Direct Descendant Of The Biggest Asshole Aboard The Mayflower Opposed To Immigration.

“What hath we done to deserve this afthole in the New World?”

CAPE COD, MA— Tucker Langmore, a 16th generation descendant of Edmund James Langmore, the most obnoxious Pilgrim aboard the Mayflower whom other passengers oft considered throwing overboard during their 66-day sea voyage to the New World, has taken an outspoken stance against those presently seeking to immigrate to the United States.

Among the accounts in the ship’s logbook of hardship and camaraderie aboard the three-masted, square-rigged sailing ship, there are numerous references to the Langmores being the most contentious and troublesome among the 3 crew and 102 Pilgrims aboard.

“What hath we done to deserve this afthole aboard,” remarked one unidentified sailor.

Tucker, the present day Day Trader and self-proclaimed “thought leader” among the anti-immigrant community on social media, lives in the basement of his family estate– on the same plot of land overlooking the Massachusetts coastline that his 15th great grandfather stole from the Wampanoag Tribe after crossing the border without any documentation.

Langmore recently posted that he wished immigrants entering the U.S. would “go back where they came from,” a sentiment that has been shared by the Langmore family’s neighbors for over 400 years.