City Amends Charter To Allow For Shooting The Messenger
City officials granted expanded legal authority to blame the bearer of bad news.
CITY HALL– Despite statutory protections shielding citizens from retaliatory actions by government officials, the City Council has taken a bold step forward—or perhaps backward—by voting unanimously (9-0) to grant the City Manager the authority to direct his staff to dispose of any resident audacious enough to voice concerns about municipal malfeasance.
“We have a way of doing things, and citizens pointing out that our way is demonstrably not working isn’t helping anything,” explained officials.
We’re a city that values diverse perspectives, as long as they’re the right perspectives.
Legal scholars and constitutional experts were quick to point out that this decision not only deviates from over 260 years of democratic tradition but also blatantly disregards the basic rights of the citizenry.
Under the newly adopted subsection 6.6 (C) 1.b, citizens who dare to raise concerns about bureaucratic incompetence, ineffective policies, or the city’s apparent disdain for taxpayer interests may now “have their property rights taken away or be executed by firing squad.”
City representatives assured the public that the language is “intentionally vague to allow us to enforce it how we see fit.”
Concerned residents have questioned whether this violates the city’s own Welcoming City Ordinance, which prohibits discrimination based on “political opinion or activity.”
The Council voted 9-0 to clarify that the ordinance applies only to opinions they agree with.
The Council closed the meeting by approving an initiative to promote civic engagement and encourage residents to be “active participants in their local government.”